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It's 2046, and a bunch of Marines is sent to Mars as the contact to the Olduvai Research Facility is lost. Said marines, a set of remarkably two-dimensional characters of which you can't help but think who will die first plus Reaper(Karl Urban) and Sarge (Dwayne Johnson), meet Dr. Samantha Grimm, Reaper's blonde twin sister who works on a science project that a) is not her field of work and b) is utterly stupid and pointless to begin with. A skeleton of a woman was found, one that had 24 chromosomes, which is the next best thing apart from being Superman, because it makes you superstrong and live longer than anyone else. Yeah. I never agreed more with a movie character than when Reaper let's out a heartfeld "Bullshit".

Almost with no real connection to this really nice family reunion plot, people keep vanishing on the base only to come back as zombie-esque monsters. After a lot of shooting in very dark corners and a very nice scene in the sewers on Mars (maybe it's in the water after all?), we finally find out that the monsters are indeed the people of the research base, since we meet the guy who, in the first five minutes of the movie, sets off a distress signal. He also turns into a "zombie" and everyone concludes that shit has gotten real, and they better run off and kill everyone they leave behind.

While everyone is shooting or screaming (or both), Dr. Grimm has the time to realize that only bad people turn into "zombies" while good people turn super strong, because the reason dead people keep popping up is that one of the scientists injected the 24th chromosome into people's veins while they were not looking. When Reaper is seriously injured, Samantha makes the decision to inject "Secret 24" into Grimm's blood - cue the First Person Shooter sequence.

Now I know that everyone who played Doom or any other First Person Shooter really likes that sequence. For me, it's the time when I do my nails or go to the bathroom.

At the end of that sequence where Reaper gets to play with all his weapons, we meet Dwayne Johnson again, who turns into one of the zombie at one point because he's one of the bad guys, and get to see 10 to 15 minutes of well choreographed fighting (I always imagine how relieved the filmakers are that Dwayne can do these sort of scenes himself without needing a stunt double *gg*)

Of course Reaper survives and Sarge dies, and there is the happy ending of happy endings when Reaper and his sister leave the base (or Nevada's end of the transporter system, whatever), and the second best part of the movie - the end credits.

I know what you want to say - seriously, Doom? Don't aks me, but I like this movie. So much that when I had to attend this stupid workshop last December I took the DVD with me, as a comfort movie. And I watched it.
I don't even know why I like it so much. The first time, I watched it for Karl (no, really?), but something just kind of clicked.

It's dark as shit, the plot has more holes than cheese, the characters are better stick figures, the science part is just plain wrong, the casting was more than strange (Rosamund Pike may be cute, but she definitely doesn't look like Karl's twin), the cliches in this give me headaches, and yet...

Maybe it's because it's a nice movie if you don't want to think, and just want to watch Karl pout and use his puppy eyes on Dwayne Johnson (let me tell you one thing, if you watch this too often, you start shipping these two so hard it's not even funny anymore *gg*). I could spend hours watching Dwayne and his Eyebrow of Whatthefuckery, and when it's time for Reaper trying to reanimate one of the Marines, I always wish for more scenes with Bones in Sickbay in the next Star Trek.

There is a lot to ignore in this movie. Suspense of disbelief does not even start to cover the state of mind you have to be in while watching grown men wading through sewers and not expect the next alienzombie attack.

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December 2015

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